Lord, there is in me
a reluctance to
sit quietly and
attentively in
your presence.
I want to
busy myself with
things that give
the appearance of
a devotional life, but
which are,
in fact,
just external
activity—busyness—without
internal reality.
Yet it is
the internal reality of
intimacy with
you
that is the crucial element.
Reading C. S. Lewis’s Surprised by Joy showed me something about myself. He speaks of how, as a child, he most disliked being “interfered with” by adults. He deeply resented their intrusions into his affairs, the derailing by them of his plans. He realized at his conversion that much of his resistance to you was his recognition that, to embrace the Christian faith, would be to invite your interference in his affairs, in his life.
And Lewis is
quite right about
that. Entering into
a relationship with
you is an
invitation for
you to have your way with
me, an invitation for
you to interfere in
my life.
I do know,
in principle, that
your vision for
my life is much
wiser,
richer,
fuller,
better, than
my vision for
my life.
And yet. . . .
I don’t like
being interfered with.
I like to have
my own way.
And so, in my
“devotions”
I busy myself in
all sorts of “devotional”
activities, so that
I’m too busy to
hear, too distracted to
listen.
I don’t dare
sit quietly and
attentively in
your presence,
waiting for
you.
Who am I
fooling?
No one else can
see me
except me
… and you.
Am I so
easily fooled?
Can I really
not see what
I am doing, how
I am
avoiding you, while
pretending to
myself that I’m
paying attention to
you?
“For thus said the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel,
‘In returning and rest you shall be saved;
in quietness and in trust shall be your strength.’
But you were unwilling.” (Isaiah 30:15 ESV)
Yeah, that’s me.
What do I
think I gain by
my willingness?
I don’t know.
But you tell me
what I’m losing.
“Yet your Teacher will not hide himself anymore, but your eyes shall see your Teacher. And your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, “This is the way, walk in it.” (Isaiah 31:21 ESV).
My desire to
have your
“interference” always
lags behind
your desire to “interfere” for
my good.
Will you help me with that, Lord?
All photos by GAC.
© 2021 Gary A. Chorpenning; all rights reserved.
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