Prayer Note #43 — Fleeing My Pursuing God in the Dark Before Dawn

Carolina Wren Singing; photo by GAC.
Carolina Wren Singing; photo by GAC.

Lord Jesus, I’m scared.  I’m far from you in my heart, and I persist in the things that will keep me far away from you.  And yet, I feel you pursuing me.

Your pursuit both comforts me and scares me.  I know that because you still pursue me, you have not given up on me.  But I also know that if you are pursuing me, it is because I’m running from you.  And if that’s the case (and it is the case), then I know that you may have to use strong measures on me to make me stop running away.

I’m frightened that I won’t stop running until you have used force to stop me.  Your frightening love comforts me; your comforting love frightens me.  Your love for me will not allow you to let me get away.

That frightens me because I am so pessimistic about me.  I’m afraid that I will just keep running from you until you knock me down somehow.

O gracious Spirit, please, be gentle with me.

©2012 Gary A. Chorpenning; all rights reserved.



9 thoughts on “Prayer Note #43 — Fleeing My Pursuing God in the Dark Before Dawn

    1. Yes, I suppose it is. I offer the prayer as an expression of an experience rather than a statement of what’s right or wrong. It evokes — I hope — the sort of tension we can experience in this in-between time as redeemed sinners living in a broken, sin-sick world.


  1. “God won’t let me go. Even though I haven’t always rejoiced in that fact, sometimes arguing and screaming, I’m thankful that God hasn’t stopped the divine quest for me. I also know that as long as I live, God will relentlessly pursue me to complete sanctification.

    This is true for each of us, and it means that if we pause and listen, we’ll hear the divine whisper, the love call, the sweet promises, the tender voice that beckons us onward. It’s the Unyielding Savior who accepts us as we are, yet never allows us to remain as we are.

    That’s the God I write about in this book—not only the Holy Chaser in my own life, but the one of so many relentless pursuits in the Bible.”
    -The God Who Pursues: Encountering a Relentless God By Cecil Murphey


  2. I guess the fear you mention is a healthy fear. A father’s love includes discipline to keep you out of the territory of the roaring lion.

    1 Peter 5:8-11 Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.

    And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen.


  3. Surrendering to our Lord and going in the right direction sounds good, but I know it’s not easy because our will power is so weak. We need to think about which voice we are going to listen to, who are we surrendering to, and who are we giving the control to.


    1. I wonder about the relationship between “surrender to our Lord” and “will power.” In a sense, surrender is the abandonment of will power. And yet, surrender is an act of the will. What an interesting paradox to contemplate.


      1. I guess I see surrendering as an act of the will to align our will with His according to His Word. It has to happen over and over as we have to make decisions in this broken world filled with temptations. I don’t think in our sinful state we would be able to abandon our will once for all. I guess though will “power” is different. Maybe surrendering in that case is trusting God to enable us to withstand temptation? The act of will would be making the choice to abandon will power. Yes, too confusing for me.


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